Confidence Is an Action: Why Courage, Not Comfort, Builds Strength

Why Confidence Feels So Out of Reach

For a long time, I believed confidence was something other people had. The kind of people who speak up easily, take risks, chase big dreams, and seem to face challenges without flinching. I used to watch them and think, I can’t do that.

And that thought wasn’t just insecurity—it felt like fact. I had spent seven years at home raising my children, and while I wouldn’t trade that time for anything, it left me feeling lost in other ways. I wanted to re-enter the workforce, but I no longer felt capable. I didn’t know where to start, and self-doubt was louder than my desire to grow.

What I know now is this: feeling that way is completely normal, especially after stepping away from the working world to care for children, heal from trauma, or support others. But it’s not permanent.

Confidence Isn’t Something You Have. It’s Something You Do

Here’s the truth no one told me back then: confidence is not a feeling—it’s an action.

You don’t need to feel confident to take action. In fact, action is what creates confidence. It’s like a muscle, and the more you use it, the stronger it gets. But just like with physical strength, you have to start small, push through discomfort, and be willing to show up even when you're scared.

Are Some People Just Born Confident?

Yes and no. Some research shows that personality traits—including confidence—can be influenced by genetics and early life experiences. People who were encouraged to take risks, speak up, or make mistakes without shame may naturally grow up more confident.

But that doesn’t mean confidence is out of reach for the rest of us. Most people build it by doing hard things, learning from failure, and stepping out of their comfort zones again and again. Confidence isn’t gifted—it’s grown.

Comfort Zones Keep Us Small

It’s easy to stay where you feel safe. I did it for years. I stayed in a marriage that no longer supported my growth because I was afraid of being alone, afraid of starting over, afraid of standing on my own two feet.

But I now understand that growth doesn’t happen in comfort zones. That’s not where wings are born. It’s where you stay grounded, stuck, and unsure of your power.

Therapy Helped Me Find My Strength

So, how do you begin to move out of fear and into confidence? For me, it started with therapy. It gave me the space to unpack the burden of childhood abuse I had been carrying for decades. That weight had made me feel small and powerless for most of my life., but as I opened up and began to heal, I started reclaiming parts of myself. I saw that the weakness I felt wasn’t mine—it was what had been done to me.

And in that space of healing, I found the courage to take action again.

Things You Can Do to Build Confidence

1. Take a Low-Stakes Part-Time Job
This isn’t about money. It’s about re-entering the world in a manageable way. When you’ve been out of the workforce, especially as a mum at home, it’s easy to feel disconnected from your professional identity. A part-time role helps rebuild that connection. You interact with others, solve problems, and begin to remember what you’re capable of.

2. Volunteer for a Cause That Interests You
Every organization needs volunteers. Pick something you care about—animals, the environment, youth programs, food banks, and start small. Volunteering gives you purpose, gets you interacting with others, and helps you develop or refresh skills in a low-pressure environment.

3. Go Back to School—Just for You
At 46, I registered for a college course just for fun. I chose subjects that interested me and didn’t pressure myself to achieve anything. But through that, something incredible happened: I began to believe in my abilities again. I realized I was smart, capable, and full of potential.

And now, 26 years after completing my bachelor’s degree, I’m planning to pursue a master’s. That’s what confidence-building in action looks like.

4. Try Something Completely New (Even If You're Bad at It)
Confidence also grows when you leave your ego at the door. Take an acting class, join a creative writing workshop, learn to dance, or try pottery. This isn’t about being great, it’s about being brave. Let yourself be a beginner. Let yourself try, fail, laugh, and learn.

It’s one of the fastest ways to stretch your comfort zone.

5. Take Tiny Risks Every Day
Confidence doesn’t require big leaps. Sometimes it’s making a phone call you’ve been avoiding., setting boundaries, speaking up in a meeting, or asking a question in class. These small acts add up. Every time you choose courage over comfort, your confidence grows.

You Don’t Need to Wait to Feel Ready

You are not broken. You are not behind. You are simply carrying too much, or have been told for too long that you’re not enough.

But here’s what I want you to know: you can build confidence. You can take one small step today, even if it scares you. And as you do, you’ll begin to remember who you are and what you’re capable of. That’s where the change happens, that’s where the wings spread, and that’s where you start to fly.