Part 3: Rewriting the Story: Moving from Survival to Self-Leadership
From Fantasy to Freedom: Closing the Loop
By the time many of us begin to heal from childhood sexual abuse, we’ve spent decades shaping ourselves around silence, survival, and someone else’s story. In Part 1, we explored how fantasy—particularly being rescued by a strong, protective man—offered a mental escape from the pain I hadn’t processed. In Part 2, I shared how that fantasy shaped the relationships I sought as an adult, and how I began to unravel the belief that safety must come from someone stronger than me.
Now, in this final part of the series, I want to talk about what comes after.
What happens when we step away from the story of rescue and begin writing something new? What does it mean to take back our power, and live from a place of wholeness, not wounds?
Outgrowing the Fantasy
For a long time, the idea of being taken care of felt like love. It felt like safety. But healing helped me see that this comfort was no longer serving me. I had grown beyond the need to be protected at all costs, and I began to crave something different: agency, independence, and truth.
This shift didn’t mean I stopped wanting connection. It meant I stopped sacrificing parts of myself to get it.
I was moving from a trauma-driven attachment style—marked by anxious dependency and a deep longing to be chosen—toward something more secure. I was learning that love didn’t have to mean giving myself away, and that I could be vulnerable without being powerless.
It took time and intention, along with a lot of discomfort, but eventually, I realized: the fantasy I had clung to in order to survive was never meant to be the final chapter.
Reconnecting with Myself
One of the most powerful outcomes of healing is that you begin to hear your own voice again—sometimes for the first time.
As I started to listen to myself, I began noticing what I liked, what I wanted, and what I needed. I started making decisions without checking if they were “okay” with someone else. I tried new things. I reconnected with old dreams. I let myself be imperfect, curious, and open. This was more than self-care. It was self-leadership, and with every step I took, I reclaimed something that had once been taken from me.
Reclaiming Power Doesn’t Always Look Like Power
Sometimes reclaiming your power looks like leaving a marriage. Sometimes it looks like asking for help. Sometimes it’s setting a boundary, saying no, or saying yes to something that scares you.
Reclaiming power isn’t about becoming “strong” in the way the world defines it. It’s about becoming whole in your own skin. It means you no longer shape yourself around what others want or expect. It means you stop playing the role of the silent, agreeable, wounded girl.
Instead, you get to become the woman you were always meant to be.
Your Power Is in the Choice
One of the most freeing things I’ve learned over the past few years is that healing doesn’t require perfection. You don’t have to do everything “right.” You don’t have to prove anything.
You just have to choose yourself.
When you begin to choose yourself consistently, even in small ways, you start to rewrite your nervous system’s sense of safety. What once felt threatening (speaking up, taking up space, being seen) begins to feel possible. You stop looking for someone to complete you, and instead, you walk beside people who meet you as an equal.
This is where transformation happens.
My Story Is Still Unfolding
Today, I’m no longer waiting for someone to rescue me. I’m not afraid to lead my own life, and make my own choices, and while I still carry the scars of CSA, they no longer define me. They remind me of how far I’ve come.
This series has been my way of tracing the path—from fantasy, to realization, to reclamation.
I hope you see your own journey reflected in pieces of mine. I hope you remember that whatever survival story you once lived inside of—it isn’t the whole story. You are more than what happened to you. You are more than the silence you kept.
You are allowed to outgrow the old stories. You are allowed to speak, to want, to lead. You are allowed to become.
Final Reflection: Stepping Into Wholeness
If you’ve spent years believing your value comes from being needed, protected, or loved by someone else, I want you to know—you were never meant to stay small. You were meant to be free.
Healing begins when you stop waiting to be saved, and start showing up for yourself.
So ask yourself:
Where have I been giving my power away?
What would change if I trusted myself to lead?
What part of me is ready to be seen, heard, and believed?
You don’t have to become someone new—you only have to return to the person you were before the world told you to shrink.
She’s still there, and she’s ready to rise.