What’s Behind a Smile?
What’s Behind a Smile: The Hidden Burden of Childhood Sexual Abuse
I smiled every day it was happening. I still smile through pain, through frustration. My smile is permanently etched on my face. As a four-year-old, you don’t understand what’s happening. A person you trusted touches you in a way you don’t understand.
I remember giggling the first time he walked his fingers up my legs, singing Incy Wincy Spider. The sun shone brightly through the sheer net curtain of the warm and cozy room.
That was the day it began. My earliest recollection—the moment that drastically changed who I would become and affected the rest of my life.
“Behind every child’s smile, there may lie a story untold, a silent struggle no one sees.”
Why Children Hide Their Pain Behind Smiles
Children who suffer abuse often hide their feelings behind smiles for many reasons. At that young age, there’s confusion and fear, but also a need to survive. Smiling becomes a way to protect themselves by masking the pain, shame, and guilt they cannot yet name.
They learn to “keep it together,” often out of loyalty or fear. There’s a hope, unconscious or not, that if they don’t reveal the truth, life can stay normal. And many children carry this hidden burden silently, afraid of not being believed or loved if they speak out.
“The greatest prison people live in is the fear of what others think.” – David Icke
Carrying the Burden Into Adulthood
But how does this hidden pain carry into adulthood? The feelings locked away don’t vanish. They shape us in profound ways. Many survivors struggle with depression, anxiety, or a deep sense of unworthiness. Some find it difficult to trust others or build healthy relationships. Intimacy can become confusing or frightening.
This burden can also show up as self-sabotage, perfectionism, or chronic stress. We try to find ways to prove our value to the world while wrestling with internal wounds. Many become experts at disguising their pain, wearing a smile that hides the struggle underneath.
“Sometimes the strongest among us are the ones who smile through silent pain, cry behind closed doors, and fight battles nobody knows about.”
The Complexity and Hope of Healing
Recognizing these patterns is an important step toward healing. The impact of childhood sexual abuse is complex and lifelong, but it doesn’t have to be a life sentence. Through connection, support, and self-compassion, survivors can begin to carry the weight differently.
Healing means giving ourselves permission to acknowledge the pain, to shed shame, and to find a way back to our true selves. It’s a journey from silence to voice, from darkness to light, one small step at a time.
“Healing doesn’t mean the damage never existed. It means the damage no longer controls our lives.” Akshay Dubey
Taking the First Step: What You Can Do Today
Healing doesn’t happen all at once. It starts with a single act of courage. If you’ve carried your story in silence, know this: the shame was never yours to begin with and you are not to blame. You are not alone.
Here are some gentle, practical steps you can take today to begin releasing the weight you've carried:
1. Acknowledge What Happened to You
The first and most powerful step toward healing is simply acknowledging the truth: It happened. And it wasn’t your fault.
Bringing what’s been buried into the light is an act of self-respect and self-compassion. You no longer have to pretend it didn’t affect you. It did affect you and that matters.
2. Talk to Someone You Trust
Silence thrives in isolation. Try talking to a close friend, a family member, or someone who has shared a similar experience. This can help release some of the internal pressure. Choose someone who will listen without judgment or trying to “fix” you. Sometimes, just saying it out loud helps your body and soul begin to breathe again.
3. Seek a Therapist Trained in Trauma or Sexual Abuse
A trained therapist can be a lifeline. Find someone who understands the long-term effects of sexual abuse and provides a safe, supportive space for you to explore your past and how it’s showing up in your present. Therapy isn’t just about talking, it’s about reconnecting with your whole self.
4. Write Your Story—Even If No One Reads It
Putting your experience into words, whether on paper or in a private journal, can be incredibly healing. You don’t have to write it for anyone else. Just for you. Let the pain, confusion, anger, and sadness have a place to land.
When you own your story, you take back the power it once had over you.
5. Join a Safe Survivor Community
Being in a space where others understand what you’ve been through, without having to explain, can be transformative. Whether online (like the Whispers to Wings community on Discord) or in person, connection helps dissolve the isolation. It reminds you that you are part of something bigger and worthy of belonging.
6. Practice Self-Kindness Every Single Day
You may be carrying the effects of years of self-blame, perfectionism, or people-pleasing. Start small. Rest when you need to. Say no when you want to. Speak to yourself gently. You’re not “too sensitive.” You’re healing.
Be as kind to yourself as you would be to the little girl inside you.
7. Reclaim Your Body Through Movement or Meditation
Trauma lives in the body. Yoga, walking, somatic therapy, breathwork, or simply learning to sit with your emotions without pushing them down can reconnect you with your physical self.
Your body is not your enemy. It has always been on your side.
8. Remember: Healing is Not Linear
There will be good days and painful ones. Don’t let a hard day make you believe you’re back at the beginning. Every tear, every breakthrough, every step forward matters, so give yourself grace.
Final Thoughts
You don’t need to have it all figured out to start. Just start.
By shedding light on your experience, you take back your power. You open a door to something softer, freer, and more true.
